Knock on Wood

OK, what a pun.
Last year was a grueling one (i.e., slow and sporadic) for David's biz, and since I am his #1 office employee, not to mention part-time artist and writer - i.e., mostly unemployed - it was a rough one, indeed. And since we live in one of those booming metropolises where Wal-mart is king and you have to wait for someone to die in order to get a job at Target, (15% unemployment, at last check), I was no help - financially, that is.

But so far so good this year, at least as far as David's biz is concerned. But, alas, I am still the Loser.

And so when our ex-realtor/David's golf buddy stopped by the other night and told us he was getting out of real estate and, boy, I should get my realtor's license -he has listings for me!- um, well, here I am studying for the other loser industry this world has to offer, Florida real estate.

"Hey, it's not like you can do much worse than your art and writing career," David says, cheerily. What a sweetie.

And so here I am reading about U-traps and electrical systems - on the treadmill. It's the only way I won't fall asleep while studying this stuff.

I am alarmed by the amount of building lingo I do not know.

"What is a U-trap? Is it in the wall or the floor or what?" I ask David at dinner.
The study guide I have is not only boring, but it is extremely vague, with few pictures. Bummer.


"You mean a 'P trap'?" he asks.

"No. I mean a 'U trap.' That's what the book calls it."
"Goes under sinks and toilets? Shaped like a 'P'?"
"I guess."
"Equalizes the pressure of sewer gases and the like so the house doesn't blow?"
*sigh*
"Yes," I mutter.
He gets up and walks into the bathroom. Points to a squiggly pipe the beneath the sink. Shaped like an 'S.'
"That's a 'P trap.'"
"Okay, that is really shaped like an 'S.' It is nowhere near a U. Maybe a P - in Arabic or Czech or something...."
"'P, U, S - whatever..." he says and goes back to eating dinner.
Ew. A 'pus trap'?

Custom Wood Vanity, Doors and Gates

DAVID SAYS:

The bottom photo is a vanity I made for a great golf course home in Boynton Beach - tiger maple with granite top.

Middle photo is of gates for a private residence in South Beach.

Topping it all off is a set of front doors.

WOOD WIFE SAYS:

As I said, David is a man of few typewritten words, unlike Yrs. truly.

As is usually the case, I wanted to snatch each of these pieces for our own home, but alas, 'twas not to be. The gates are as awesome as South Beach and wound up in an Architectural Digest photo spread. The front doors made all the neighbors jealous, which is nice. And the tiger maple vanity? I'm telling you, it breathes. Seriously. You can stare at that swirly, shimmery wood and, well, kind of get a bit hypnotized. Fabulous.

Wood Shelving - Furniture

Custom Wood Etegiere

(Like our trash can in the background? Sweeeeeet).

Wine rack, anyone?

COUTURE GUCCI TABLES

David created these little gems for a client and though I kept trying to steal them he wouldn't let me have them. He made something similar for a client to - get this - keep her couture purse on, near the bedet (? I don't even know how to spell "bedet", that little bathroom "fountain toilet" for those, er, hard to reach areas, I guess...).

Ah, yes, the Rich live quite differently....

The tables above are made of solid cherry and finished "in some fancy iridescent glaze," according to David.

Incidentally, these little jewels were finished by David's expert finisher - a homegrown gal who refuses to admit how talented she is...I mean she can actually match the grain of old wood to new and make it look as if it should have been there in the first place, but I am getting ahead of myself....

CUSTOM WOODWORK PALM BEACH STYLE

Most of my stuff is in residences in Palm Beach County and South Dade, where people fly between their homes in other states via their own planes and such. Here's a few examples:

WOOD WIFE

OK, my turn. I read what David wrote and so I will make this brief. At least this one.

I am David's wife/secretary/bookkeeper/housekeeper/errand runner and part time artist and author. (Check my stuff out at www.xlibris.com/woodysgarden or griefdog@blogspot.com ....

OK, now that my plug is over with allow me to tell you some dirt about David. He's cranky at times but here's the thing: there is no dirt about him. He is excruciatingly honest and he's a perfectionist and pragmatist all at once. (The latter is his forte, not mine, so thank God for him). Anyway, his furniture has been in demand by designers - they hire him for their own homes, too, which speaks volumes, don't you think?) and he will never tell you about the Architectural Digest pic's and the Sir Walter Raleigh Award he received.

But... I digress...

His stuff is GOOD. I only have a couple of pieces he has made since he is usually making all kinds of things for other people with money, which I am not exactly bathing in, as an unpaid assistant and artist/writer. As one commenter wrote, his furniture "breathes." It's amazing. Take the SOLID MAHOGANY vanity he did (above). You could stare at it for hours. It looks like the side of a horse, the kind you see in shows and races. So if you think you want something special, E him. davidbonomo@bellsouth.net